Fast Sundaes

Yum. Fast sundaes.

No Animals Were Hurt in the Production of this Post

In one of my areas on my mission, there was a member family that lived way out of town. Every time we would visit them, we'd grab a big stick on the way to their home because they owned a big, scary dog who would charge at you with intent to maim. You'd have to wave the stick in front of you to keep the dog away.

Once when visiting this family I discovered to my horror that the stick I grabbed on the side of the road was too small to scare the demon dog away. As I swung the stick back and forth, the dog moved closer and closer to my companion and me. For a terror-filled few seconds, I was sure I was going to die. Fortunately, a couple of the family's children sprinted out of the house during our time of need and dragged the dog away. I was bitten twice by dogs on my mission, but this was, by far, the scariest encounter I ever had with one.

The Unsung Hero of Star Wars

At the end of Revenge of the Sith Yoda, Obi Wan, and Jimmy Smits (from here on out we'll call him Bail Organa) are plotting where to go next. Yoda announces that he and Obi Wan will lay low for a couple of years before rising up and stomping out the Emperor and his regime. Yoda wants nothing to do with Anakin Skywalker's newborn children because a) he figures that by the time they would be of any use of him, he'll have already defeated Palpatine and b) he doesn't expect much from the offspring of Darth Vader anyway. The kids are split up with Organa adopting Leia and Obi Wan returning Luke to Tatooine and the only family the Skywalkers have. Strangely, no one thinks to change Luke's name or even pretend that Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru are his biological parents.

Anyway, Yoda and Obi Wan go into hiding and it isn't long before they abandon any hopes they have of overthrowing the Emperor. By the time we met Obi Wan and Yoda in Star Wars and Empire Strikes Back, they are world weary old men who have given up on any dreams of saving the galaxy. I suspect their funk has something to do with the return of Darth Vader--someone Obi Wan left for dead.

Fortunately for the rebel alliance, Bail Organa did not given up on the cause. He worked tirelessly for 20 years to take Palpatine down and it's his actions that reengage Kenobi and Yoda. At the beginning of Star Wars, Organa has sent his adopted daughter Princess Leia on a mission to recruit Obi Wan while delivering some stolen plans to some of his rebel friends. Had Organa never done this, Kenobi would have been content to remain a strange hermit on Tatooine the remainder of his days, Yoda never would have trained another Jedi on Dagobah, and Luke would have grown up a moisture farmer complaining about the Tosche Station and power converters.

Bail Organa is the unsung hero of the Star Wars series and his reward is being blown up on Alderaan when the Death Star strikes. Sometimes the force isn't fair.

The Problem with the Star Wars Prequels

I've already gone on record as stating that the prequels were not a total waste. That said, there are certainly big problems with them. My biggest problem with the prequels has nothing to do with Jar Jar Binks or the acting of Jake Lloyd and Hayden Christensen (although those were definitely bad), but with the fact that the prequels created more questions then they answered.

When I dreamed of Episodes I, II, and III during the dark days between 1983 and 1999, the questions I wanted answered were: 1) what were the clone wars (Answer: Boba Fett's clone brothers verses an army of bumbling robots--lame!) and 2) how did Darth Vader become Darth Vader (Answer: Obi Wan chopped him up on a volcano planet--something we all knew as early as the late 70s). I never wondered about Boba Fett's father or Midi-chlorians. I'm convinced that everything could have been wrapped up in one, much more satisfying movie.

The prequels created a bunch of questions that just don't jive with what we know from the original trilogy. To wit:

1. Why doesn't Obi Wan recognize R2 D2?
2. Why doesn't R2 recognize Obi Wan or, for that matter, simply relay to Luke everything he knows about the Jedi Order, his parents, and the Emperor?
3. Why doesn't Chewbacca stand up for Jedi-kind and his dear friend Yoda when Han bags on them?
4. How does Leia have any memories of her mother when she dies ten seconds after Leia's birth?
5. Speaking of Amidala, how did she go from being a strong-minded Senator and droid fighter to someone who dies of a broken heart even though she knows she has two children to care for?
6. How does Vader become a Jedi ghost when it's established that the only Jedi who knew how to do that prior to Yoda and Obi Wan was Qui Gon Jin?

But my biggest unanswered question from the prequels is this: What was Yoda's plan to take back the galaxy from the Emperor? Because it sure couldn't have been the events that transpired within the original trilogy. If Yoda's plan was to let Luke and Leia overthrow the Empire then why not take the twins with him to the force-shielding planet Dagobah and train them up into awesome Sith-killing Jedi? I've spent an unhealthy amount of time* on that question in the years since Revenge of the Sith premiered and I believe I have an answer to that question. One that I will share tomorrow.

*This is obvious based on the ridiculous length of today's post.

It's Star Wars Week: Episode V*

Thirty-five years ago this Memorial Day weekend, a little movie premiered in North America and changed cinema forever. The story of a brave band of rebels sticking it to an oppressive authority captured the hearts and minds of a nation and would inspire a number of sequels. But enough about Smokey and the Bandit, I want to celebrate the other movie that opened that weekend: Star Wars.
To honor the 35th anniversary of Star Wars, I'll be posting Star Wars-themed gags this week. And because Star Wars is such an awesome thing, I'll be posting an extra comic of the week Friday, in addition to Thursday's regularly scheduled post.

*This is actually only the second Star Wars week on this blog. (You can find the first one here and here.) I'm calling this one Episode V because I retroactively changed the title to my first Star Wars week to Episode IV. My plan is to do another one of these in a couple of years, calling it Episode VI. Then I'll wait something like 20 years before I pump out the far inferior episodes I, II, and III. It will be awesome!

Birthday Greetings from the Field

Several months ago I mentioned a series of birthday-themed gags I did for a specific ward. Below are the gags for missionaries. (Please notice the utter and complete lack of originality when it came to creating one for Elders and one for Sisters--as always here, you get what you pay for.)

Rousing Scriptures

Seeing as how scripture study is one of the first things missionaries are expected to do after they rise at 6:30 AM, I'm sure this sort of thing happens a lot.

No Man Knoweth

I imagine there is a lot of this sentiment towards the end of every semester or term worldwide.

Frozen Burritos

It's time for another peek into Elder Van Dyke's family.

2012 Summer Movie Preview

Tomorrow (as any nerd worth the tape holding his glasses together could tell you) is the opening of The Avengers! And Saturday is Free Comic Book Day. To celebrate I'm posting today's gag.

I love me some superhero movie and this Summer's one/two punch of Avengers and Dark Knight Rises has me especially giddy.*

How about you? What are you looking forward to in the coming months at your local Googolplex?

*Although, strangely, I'm not at all excited about the new Spider-Man movie coming out this Summer. Everything I've seen with that reboot has left me underwhelmed.