Laman's Eagle Scout Award

Just try to imagine Laman's Eagle Scout board of review.

Scout Master: Welcome, Laman, please have a seat.

Laman: Sure, whatever.

Scout Master: This is your Eagle Scout board of review. Assuming everything goes well during this interview, you’ll be eligible for your Eagle Scout award.

Laman: Cool. Let’s get this over with, okay?

Scout Master: Sure, it says here you earned your camping merit badge.

Laman: I’d say, eight years in a tent!

Scout Master: That’s impressive. You also earned your hiking, wilderness survival, hunting, and woodworking merit badges.

Laman: That last one was particularly tough. We had to build a boat!

Scout Master: Ah, that would explain the sailing merit badge as well.

Laman: Yep.

Scout Master: This is all very impressive, but I am concerned about some other aspects of scouting you didn’t quite master.

Laman: What? Like what?

Scout Master: Well, your knots, for one. It says here you tied up your little brother, Nephi, outside of Jerusalem but that he was able to slip out of your knots.

Laman: That’s not fair. He prayed and stuff and got help from the Lord. Besides, the knots I tied him in on the boat lasted for days!

Scout Master: That leads me to the next area of weakness: your mastery of a compass is severely lacking.

Laman: Come on! The liahona was seriously broken.

Scout Master: Yet it worked just fine once Nephi picked it up again.

Laman: (Under his breath) Stupid Nephi.

Scout Master: And I can’t accept your cooking merit badge. According to the records, you didn’t even cook the meat you caught in the wilderness.

Laman: Augh. The Lord told us not to light fires in the wilderness and that He would prepare our meat for us.

Scout Master: Okay, I suppose I can let that one slide. But I’m still not convinced that you should pass this board of review. I’ll tell you what, if you can recite the scout law I’ll okay your Eagle Scout award.

Laman: Easy. “A scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, um, murmuring, hard-hearted, quick to do iniquity, slow to repent, um, clean, and reverent.”

Scout Master: That’s enough. I’m sorry; I just don’t think you’re quite ready for an Eagle Scout award.

Laman: Ah, man! Dad said I couldn’t drive the curelom until I got my eagle. (exits room.)

Scene